I threw a tantrum today. Or I had a meltdown. What's the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown? I'm not sure.. either way, I lost it. I had just gotten up from a 45 minute nap and was on a tight schedule. I was cleaning out the car and called Andrey at a terrible, terrible moment. Like I said, just just got up from a nap (like, as in, I barely even quite remember the phone conversation's details), I am always hungry after a nap and I was frustrated with how my jeans were fitting (yup.). I was annoyed that Andrey asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner- I could not handle it at that moment. And I lost it. I just melted down on the phone. While still cleaning out the car (why do I have 7 blankets in my car? Was someone building a fort in there?). I had to make it to the car wash by 4 (I had a Groupon). And the laundry had come out of the washing machine smelling icky. I needed to clean the machine, re-wash the towels and my clothes hadn't even gotten in the machine yet. I needed (still need to) clean the tub, the toilet, the sink. Change my sheets, put my clothes away and fold towels. I needed to get the dog her food at the grocery store, pick up bleach, get some food for the weekend. I needed. I needed. I needed. I was overwhelmed. Can you tell?

Andrey made the perfectly logical and rational suggestion that I take a walk. I yelled at him that I didn't have the time. Just fifteen minutes he said. I was difficult, I was acting like a loon. I don't have time. I kept saying (through tears). He asked why I was being so difficult. I can't even remember my response, but mad props to you, Andrey for calling me out.

And that's when it hit me. I know I'm an adult, and I am responsible for my feelings, actions and words and for regulating myself. But sometimes can't someone just sit me in time out? I've been working with 2 year olds all week and I've been doing a lot of time outs. I go the Super Nanny route. Sit them down in time out, explain why they're in time out, ignore them for the allotted amount of time, explain again why they were in time out, show them some love and send them on their way.

Crying with Father Lovely as a little one.

I couldn't help but wonder how I'd react if Andrey or Olivia had been here and sat me down and said,
"You need to breath, you need to breathe because you are freaking out. Everything will get done. Breath" and then walked away to return some time later and said "You needed to breath, you were freaking out" given me a hug or kiss and sent me on my way. I honestly think it would help, not often- very, very rarely. Often would be weird and overly parental. But sometimes I need to be told to take a breath in a calm way. Or I think I would like that...there's also a chance I'd hate it. But to be fair, I loose it like that very, very rarely.

What makes you loose it? P.S. I got the bleach, the food, the car cleaned, the washing machine cleaned, one toilet cleaned and the dishes done. I calmed down, collected my feelings (ugh, and my tears), apologized via text to Andrey, turned on the Steve Jobs bio (I'm obsessed) and just enjoyed my errands. Rargh, take that anxiety!

One Comment

  1. Uhg, I absolutely 150% feel you on this one. I tend to lose it a few times a year. I let everything that's bothering me and stressing me out bottle up inside and then -- BOOM. And it's also the least deserving person. My mom or Dan suddenly has to deal with a rabid version of Ali.

    I have trouble calming down and collecting myself too. You're right, it's hard as an adult to remember that you're in charge of your life, your choices and your feelings. No one is going to give you a ba-ba and your blankey to nap it out. Kudos on realizing that life has a funny way of working itself out, I still have a tough time working that out!