I've struggled with writing about actually being pregnant. I go back and forth in my head a lot debating whether I enjoyed the experience or hated it. Or, was I totally in the middle? It wasn't a coincidence that I kept my pregnancy off the internet (it wasn't on Facebook until Weston's actual, real live, photo appeared!)...I was a nervous pregnant person, as well as, I didn't think it was right to share such a private event with the world. I constantly worried something would happen to the baby, and I would have had internet-evidence of his existence and it would be devastating. So, we made the executive decision to keep the pregnancy off the internet, which for me, someone who really does love social media, was hard! We told family and friends to please respect this, and people were wonderful and didn't say a word! Not to sound corny, but one of the things that got me through labor was dreaming about what I would write on Facebook when he was born!

I don't really know how to describe my pregnancy. There were a lot of totally normal things that happened, some not-so-normal things, and some things which, though normal, were excruciating to deal with. I got pregnant right around last Christmas, and we found out in early January--I didn't go to my first doctor's visit to confirm anything until the way, way end of January (something no one tells you! You don't actually see the doctor to confirm until you're actually like 4-6 weeks along!). I went with my mother, and we saw this tiny flickering heartbeat--it was truly amazing! The next visit was on Valentine's Day, and it was Eric's first time seeing the babe; I will never forget the look on his face when he saw the little dancing bean. Early on in the pregnancy I started having serious food aversions. I never even knew this was a thing! I was steeling myself not to have morning sickness (and I had been in the middle of a Whole30 when I got pregnant; I got seventeen days into it and had to stop due to food aversions); I do think eating paleo helped balance my hormones and I never had a day of morning sickness. But, man, those food aversions were the worst! I lived on gluten-free bagels, potatoes, popcorn...I couldn't even fathom the idea of vegetables! Another horrible side effect was the heartburn. HORRIBLE. I wasn't warned about this and it slammed me in the face. I had to sleep sitting up for weeks! Meanwhile, in the midst of all that, I developed a lovely cough and sinus issues, also from pregnancy, so I was coughing with acid reflux and not sleeping. Oh, and we were in the middle of moving! Yikes. Thank god for my wonderful Eric who single handedly packed up, boxed, and moved us to the new house, in the middle of a snowy February.

Now that I look back on it, I laugh at how nervous I was! There was always something to be nervous about. I kept saying to Eric, "Once we get these test results back, I won't worry anymore!" and he would laugh and say "You'll find something new to worry about!" For one, I had a slew of genetic tests because I'm of Jewish descent! I swore up and down to the nurses that Eric wasn't 100% Jewish (I thought, "Thank god for my father-in-law's southern roots! It gets me out of blood tests!), but they said it had nothing to do with Eric, and I got the tests done (mind you: I had a SERIOUS phobia of blood tests before getting preggo!). Then, we went in to get a sonogram and they measure the fetus' neck to see if there is a risk of Downs Syndrome. He measured perfect, but when they went to do the other half of the test, the blood test, someone screwed up and the results came weeks and weeks late. That wasn't a fun time. I was worried every day.

On top of all that, due to my A/V Canal Defect, we had to go in to get a fetal echo-cardiogram; it was pretty cool seeing Weston's heart, and he was fine (I knew he would be!), but it was a little nerve wracking not really knowing how my heart would respond to being pregnant.

However, nothing compared to the worry that ensued starting June 24th, when I got gestational diabetes. Talk about fear mongering! Combating the diabetes took over my life. I would wake up, eat a perfectly calculated meal, wait half an hour, and then walk for 15 minutes on the treadmill. Same thing for lunch, same for dinner...walking three times a day, drinking gallons of water, pricking my finger 6 times a day, and going to the doctor 3 days a week. It was a full time job. I'm not going to sugar coat it; it was depressing. For a good two weeks I cried every day; I was so afraid of something happening to my baby. You can read all about my crazy time with diabetes here, here, and here.

When my water broke, at 4am, three weeks before my due date...I was really happy. I couldn't have done that diabetes craziness another three weeks! Luckily, I had no contractions, so our ride to the hospital was completely exciting and jubilant!  We listened to our favorite music, saw the moon in the sky, and were thrilled that we were about to meet our little boy and come home as a family of three! I was induced in the hospital, as my water was broke, but nothing much else was going on...and I really have to be honest here: once I got the pain meds (I had two: an early one, and then the epidural--love the epidural!), I had a great time being in labor. There was one scary moment where he didn't respond well to a contraction and I had to go on oxygen, but once he stabilized, it was just a waiting game, and we got through it! It was an easy delivery; I was on Facebook an hour later! The next day I was up and walking around (worst parts of the delivery, by far: the IV and the hospital bed (and food!)) and felt much, much better than I ever dreamed I would feel. I know this isn't the way for a lot of women, but after my time dealing with the diabetes, I felt entitled to an easy labor and delivery and was happy with the way it went!

The email we sent out to family and friends!
Okay, so that sounds like I was nervous and had a horrible time being pregnant, right? Well, there were so many high points that it REALLY is hard to decide how I feel about it! There's NOTHING in the world like peeing on a stick and seeing that pregnant sign; best feeling ever. And, the first time you see their little face on the sonogram? Amazing! Weston looked just like Eric from the start! (Now he has my circle face!). I was convinced he was a girl, so when my mom, Eric, and I went to find out what the sex was and the technician was clear he was a he--my mother screamed! It was so exciting. And, there's really no way to describe feeling those first kicks. He first kicked while listening to Eric play guitar--perfect and SO Weston. Being pregnant made me feel very powerful and strong, physically and mentally. I wasn't afraid of the world! It's amazing having your little buddy with you all the time.

It's really hard for me to decide: did I love it or hate it? I have to say, I did feel like me most of the time being pregnant; and it is a jaw-dropping, totally crazy experience. As funny as it is to say, I've already forgotten what it feels like! (And, the diabetes is gone now; they never even tested my blood sugar after delivery!). However your journey is, whether it is bad, good, indifferent...the amazing outcome is seeing a little face which you created, baked, and brought into the world. There are no words to describe that feeling. Weston is my best buddy, my most wonderful DIY project, and the most wonderful person I know. It is true that he completes my world, and I am so excited to see what he teaches me.

One Comment

  1. I am 36 weeks pregnant, going through GD. It's tough and scary! Thanks for sharing.