Today's guest post is by Heather Meyers, a mama from LA, who has one child and realized she was happy with just that! She's sharing how the world views that decision today. Heather is also known for being the "Mom Who Did Everything Wrong" in an episode of the Longest Shortest Time podcast, but we think she's doing everything perfectly right, and we are so pleased she's here sharing her story today! For more Heather adventures, feel free to follow her on Instagram. 

Take it away, Heather:

You have a baby and everyone has questions. How are they sleeping? How are you feeling? Baby gets older and then it is about eating solids and then walking to teething, dropping AM naps and first few words then they are potty trained and start preschool. After all the dust of toddlerhood settles one question has remained a constant since she was 2 years old.... " When are you going to have another baby?"

I only wanted one child.

I got pregnant and still only wanted one child.

As she has grown I still have zero desire to biologically birth or adopt another child.

The reaction by other parents is as varied as you might imagine. Here are actual statements that have been said to me (sadly some more than once)

- "Having one child doesn't REALLY make you a parent"

(Giving birth, up at all hours, care about her needs, potty train her, keep her alive doesn't count because I don't have another)

- "Oh you are an accessory parent, you wanted a little accessory."

(Yes - she is exactly the same as a handbag.)

- "She must be so selfish - you must say yes to everything - does she know how to share?"

(We say NO to lots of things, she is amazing at sharing and loves school and her friends but this isn’t really an indicator of a child’s happiness but whatever floats your boat.)

- "What happens when you get old and need someone to take care of you?"

(We have heard of long term care insurance and plan to get it - my parents have it and they have 4 children, every parent should get this and even if I had more kids I can't bet on them taking care of me because I can't predict the future and if I could predict the future that would be another article entirely.)

- "What happens when you die? You are so selfish not to give them a sibling."

(I can't guess what kind of relationship they might have with a sibling nor do I want to. I am sure she will be capable of making friends and creating her own family as I and may others have done outside of our family unit.)

Everyone has an idea of what their family is. Mine only includes one child.

My life decisions are mine, but like everything else about becoming a parent it is up for question and other peoples input as they see fit. We all love the grocery store parenting advice, right? Umm NO.

The thing that makes me the saddest is when I am with friends who have one child and desperately want another but are having trouble and they get the same invasive questions as me but it is far more emotional. They are then forced to do a song and dance around their infertility, health issues or current adoption process that they do NOT want to talk about. What if they are in the middle of dealing with Post Partum Depression and newly on medication or dealing with a miscarriage?

I love that my friends have chosen to have more kids, I love their kids. I love that I had the choice to have zero children or just one.

I would recommend those that are on the fence or those that can only have one to really give this a read. It is very insightful.

One and Only: The Freedom of Having an Only Child, and the Joy of Being One by Lauren Sandler

It takes all current data and tackles it really honestly. It debunks the turn of the century propaganda that so many people throw around and really helps people (be it family or friends) to understand your choice if they can’t stop harping on it.

I came from a large family and I have chosen a small one. It's a choice like any other and I am so glad to be living in this time as a woman, a mother and someone who has a passion for her career. I just find it utterly silly that this is what I get the most varied feedback about and sadly the most negative. We have hard enough time when babies are little and everyone questions about every little thing and now all I am left with is this big question. After answering it many times I simply answer plainly with this statement:

"Everyone has an idea of what their family looks like and mine is my husband, my daughter and my dog and I am super happy. I am so lucky to have one of my own right?"

 As a very wise woman once told me:

"You can have one child, two, ten or zero, it's still YOUR choice and that is more than a lot of women were ever given."

So I will go on getting sibling questions just like I used to get questions about when she started walking/talking, what she ate, how she slept etc. I am just happy that I have a healthy child and the choice to only have one - just like my friends chose to have more and are just as happy.

Heather lives in North East Los Angeles with her family and loves to read, sew and bike.


  1. Love it! Thank you Olivia for sharing Heather with us (your readers)!

  2. Wonderful article.It's always that same old dilemma...We as a family have chosen this path, which concerns no one but ourselves and yet other folks seem to think it is OK to impose their thoughts on us. Maybe people just don't have enough going on in their heads to have something worthwhile to discuss. Their "go to" topic of convo is "Let's see, how can I impose my unasked for opinions on you?..better than remaining silent?"